Dual....:-)
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
