OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
