I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
