there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize