VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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