ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
