The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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