I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
