i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
