Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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