a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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