You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Me too!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
