Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize