I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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