I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
