i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
