so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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