Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When are your genitals available?
Randomize