Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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