I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
