even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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