oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
