Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
