I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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