you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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