Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
