tell your sister to shave her snatch
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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