After last night, I could never be a politician.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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