I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
