i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
