a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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