Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
