Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
