Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I intend to get homeless drunk
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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