just survived the first fart of the relationship.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Shame - the story of my life.
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