Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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