So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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