The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
