I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
