omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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