i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
