On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
