True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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