please come you make the beer taste better
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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