there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
