He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
