I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
