So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Boobs speak an international language.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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