I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
