I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
