Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
