I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you win again, gameday.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
