So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
