Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the day after is always just damage control
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
