i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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