idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Tell her she can't have a vagina
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
