Yo dont text me then not text me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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