the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
no you cant smoke seaweed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize