So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
