He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
