The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
