she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
