Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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