that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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