no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
