8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
