If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
