I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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