the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
