Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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