Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
