Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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