This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
