i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
