how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
