Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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