This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
