we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize