i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
