Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
