I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
