i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
