Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
