so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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