well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
